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DACRON CANDY! This is the first time this has been offered
anywhere. Lee, Howard, Cherokee, and Memorial have to make
do with old fashioned cotton candy but our will be DACRON.
That means it is 100% sanforized - will NOT shrink. And OF
COURSE, it drips wet! |
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DOG
SWALLOWING CONTEST! This is not as revolting as it sounds.
It is merely a contest to see who can swallow a hot dog without
biting or chewing. It has to go down WHOLE. There will be
XRAY machine on hand to take candid shots of the dog as it
proceeds.
Coach Vickers and Frank Ferguson have already
signed up for this event. It is hoped that the less lily-livered
students and faculty will challenge them to this event. |
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FOR THE FESTIVAL. Of course every festival gives a dinner
but ours is special. It's a new gimmick called a STACK SNACK.
It's a roast turkey stuffed with a roasting hen, stuffed with
a broiler, stuffed with a squab, which is stuffed with a fertilizer
egg. It's really five meals in one - DON'T MISS IT! |
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CAKE
BAKE! This feature, presented through the combined efforts
of Mr. Johnson and Miss Patterson. They say when better
batters are beaten this team'll cream 'em. Come early and
get your Patti cakes and Johnny-cakes! |
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| PIE
IN YOUR EYE CONTEST! This is a new feature and may never be
offered again. All teachers who have given more than one "E"
in any given marking period will be lined up and bombarded
with mustard pies by the elated receivers of the "E's". |
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| BONGO-BONGO,
THE TWO HEADED BOY from Sanford will be here to re-enact the
Lincoln Douglas Debate. Then he'll sing a duet with himself.
Gotta be seen to be believed! |
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The
next case on the agenda was Mrs. Ruth Sory who had been caught
skipping from first to the fourth wing, scattering rose buds
and singing "I'm A Little Prairie Flower."
Judge Miller asked the defendant what had
compelled her to this demoralizing act."
"It's Spring, your Honor," said
Mrs. Sory, batting her eyes. |
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Members
were advised to keep eating their Hinky Dinks for nourishment.
"The Clinic is so crowded with sick
students it is now hazardous for our members to put their
tim in", said Nancy Collins, chairman of the Weak and
Wan Committee.
Present members of the National Dishonorable
Clinic Society re: Elaine Johnson, Jim Call, Sigrid Bergstrom,
Joan Caldwell, Paula Nagel, Mr. Hugh Ansley, Tom Massebeau,
Fred Good, Jerry Saunders, and Mr. Payne Johnson. Laird Gann,
who contracted measles, in on probation. |
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Mrs.
Hiram Schmickledorf, mother of Herman, 7-12, hit the panic
button when informed of the new law.
"What's the Board of Education got
against parents?" Mrs. Schmickledorf demanded. "Already
me and my husband are nervous wretches helping Herman with
his homework. Mr. Schmirckledorf has been up all night whispering
the nine tables in Herman's little ears. The days ain't long
enough for what the poor child is supposed to learn.
"And me....You want to know what I'm
doing? I'm baking a square pie. Why? 'Cause Herman says his
teacher says 'Pie are square'!" |
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Plenty
of Nothing. His act was some what marred when he slipped in
Greece.
Miss Mary Shiver, who was unable to be present
because she had inadvertently stapled herself to her monthly
report, sang "I Hear Me Calling You" over the intercom,
accompanied by Mrs. Allen on the adding machine.
High point of this evening was the demonstration
of paddling techniques given by the Prince among Principals,
Adrian E. Stockard. "The Lifter" Mr. Stockard explained
not only spanks the child but insures his speedy return to
class. "With English" is delivered with a spin that
keeps the student whirling for a week. "Mach One"
is calculated to scare the kid to death before the paddle
even makes contact.
Clark Lambert assisted Mr. Stockard in the
demonstration and has been excused from school for the rest
of the year. |
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